Sunday, July 02, 2006

WARNING >>> I think I'm pre-menstrual.


I feel bummed today. And yesterday. And the day before. Why?? My kids have been in Texas for over 5 weeks now. I've grown accustomed to the quiet, clean (ok, not clean, but semi-organized) house. Tristan (my 11 yr. old) flew home last Sunday so he could go to a cool camp for 5th graders. He left for camp Monday morning. I picked him up on Friday at noon and then he flew back to Texas on Saturday morning. That sucked. It was like teasing me. He was doing awesome and I was so thrilled to see him! (Even though it seemed like the whole time he was actually home he was watching the World Cup with Sei...) I miss my kids. And every year it never fails that my feelings of sadness and longing for them to be home multiply after my step-daughters arrive. Kelsea and Karlea flew in from Calgary on Wednesday and by Thursday nite it was all I could do to keep from crying. Having them here without my Isabel sucks. I mean, K and K are awesome. They crack me up and at least it's some conversation (kinda) during the day. But oooh, I miss Isabel. She's the same age as the twins, so it's weird to have them here, but not Izzy. They're great, they just aren't Isabel. And to make it worse- Isabel won't be home this week on Thursday with Tristan and Alec. She flies in on July 16th because it's her year to take a trip to Florida with my parents. They leave July 7 or 8, so she is staying in Texas with them when the boys fly home. Ugh. Anyway- I'm getting more depressed writing this...

Sometimes I feel selfish for whining about how much I miss the kids, especially to my husband. I mean, his daughters live 1000 miles away from him. But- I'm gonna have to play the "Mom Card" here. The kids are my life. Literally. They are "my job." I don't work outside of the home, but I work my butt off in it! When I went to Texas and my husband was home alone, he still had his job to go to. They needed him there. He's never been at home all day every day with the kids. He doesn't know what that's like. When my kids are gone I feel lost. I am so thankful to have Taj and Liv now to keep me busy. The summer the kids were gone and I was pregnant with Taj I was so depressed. I cried daily. I felt so lonely and without a purpose. Now I'm still busy with the 2 little ones, but not near as busy as I usually am. I don't have kids to wake up for school or to drive to soccer or gymnastics. My laundry is cut into 1/2. Dinner is hard to cook for 2 adults and a 2 yr old that only eats corndogs. It's just weird. I don't know. I'm rambling...
I guess I'll just end this with I MISS MY KIDS!! I AM SO READY FOR MY HOUSE TO BE FULL OF STINKY BOYS AND SILLY GIRLS!! I want to see Isabel standing on her head or saying "Hey Mom- watch me do the splits!" I want to hear Alec's laugh and see Tristan make his lips look like the fish on Spongebob Squarepants. I want my kids back where they belong. Home. With me.
PS. Isabel lost her 2 front teeth while she was in Texas!! :( And, of course, my jerk ex won't give me her teeth for her baby book.















THE THREE AMIGOS: Kelsea, Isabel and Karlea

6 comments:

Katie said...

I'm sorry you're down. I hope that time moves quickly for you and your kids are home soon.

Gina said...

I am sorry you are down too.... maybe we are both pre-menstral... I have been so depressed since Thursday night. My reasons are a little different, but I am lonely.

I saw Liv today. She is getting so beautiful... her eyes are gorgeous! And she was so friendly!

Tara said...

Hang in there, Sister! It will be over soon.

Tori :) said...

Gina- I hope it's not your new calling that is depressing you. ;)

Nettie said...

I'm so sorry, Tori. I can't imagine suffering what you are suffering. I do think you are right to pull the Mom card, too. As much as the guys love the kids, I don't think they are a literal part of their being and soul as our kids are to us moms. Makes me want to appreciate the time I have with my kids till they grow up and move out even more (and tolerate the noise and mess better, too!). Hope time flies faster for you, till they get home!

s--max said...

I bet they're missing you as much as you're missing them!!! They'll be home soon! Hang in there.