Friday, March 23, 2007

Yucky Dreams... and other stuff

WARNING: If you're happy today you may not wanna read this post...


First of all, I forgot to wish my blog a Happy Birthday! She turned one on March 20. Woo hoo!

Speaking last nite went ok I guess. I didn't really feel prepared and Sei spoke most of time. I was trying to give real points and Sei was trying to be funny the whole time. The girls probably thought he was great and I was boring. Oh well...

The other nite I had a bad dream. The kind where I wake up really feeling freaked out and thinking "I am never leaving the house again. There are CRAZY PEOPLE out there!!" I can't even remember the dream exactly except for I saw a guy suffocating another man with plasic. (Thanks so much Jack Bauer!)
Anyway- it freaked me out. I was awake for an hour thinking of what I would do if some psycho tried to kidnap me and make me drive somewhere. I would SO crash the car! (Atleast that's what I hope I would do.) The fact is, I have never felt real fear like that. I've never been that scared. I've never been in a situation where I had to fight for my life. So, I don't know what I would do. I've practiced things in my head and I make sure I am always aware of my surroundings. I've also already written about my sightless dialing talent. ;) I've written about all this before, but that dream. Ugh. I don't like feeling that way. I don't like thinking "Ok, the BTK guy was totally trusted in his church, what if Brother So & So is really a psycho perv??" I was thinking about all the really weird psychos there have been:
And those 3 pics don't even make a dent. I mean, there's some I had never even heard of before. I don't know what my point is??? I used to be a really trusting person until after being cheated on by my husband, that lowered my trust in others considerably. I'm almost to where I assume you're totally full of crap until proven otherwise. Bad, I know. But even with my lack of trust I find myself doing stupid things that just scream "HI! Kill me! Rape me!! Keep me prisoner in a box under your bed for 10 years until I escape!" Like going into an apartment where I thought a husband and wife were selling their couch. It ended up being 3 male college students. They totally could have killed me or whatever. Once- when Tristan and Alec were maybe 3 and 1 a man walked into my apartment. I wasn't even scared. I just said, "Can I help you?" Turns out he had just come to the wrong apartment- he thought it was his son's. But after he left I thought "You are so stupid Tori. Your heart didn't even speed up." I hope I wouldn't be that dumb now.
I know- I am rambling. I don't really have a point other than that I hate that there are crazy people that make me feel like my family isn't safe. I hate thinking I might be put into a situation where I have to figure out how to save myself so I can save my kids. I'm sure I'll be over my total paranoia in a few days, but right now I feel really jumpy and unsafe.
Anyway- that's all. Have a good day. ;)

13 comments:

No Cool Story said...

A Tori:) post with a warning, wow,unheard of.
First of all, happy Blogiversary! YAY! It has been great getting to know you :)

You know, I am a "Trust NO ONE" kind of person and I totally hear what you are saying, and most of all, I totally understand you (down to your experience with your ex).I have had the scary thoughts, the paranoia. It is tough!
Ususally dreams don't freak me out for the rest of the day (I have lots of bad dreams constantly, so I am used to them), my thoughts are the ones that do.
It helps talking about them (as moms, we worry about stuff like that), Praying helps and knowing that you can trust the Holy Ghost and Heavenly Father helps.
I hate feeling unsafe :( from drunk drivers, to drug addicts, to Paris Hilton, it's an unsafe world.
The yucky feeling will pass Tori, I guarantee it.
Have a great weekend friend.

Toni said...

Happy Blogiversary! You need to pop a pill or something! Calm down! Hope you over this soon!

Suzanne said...

I tend to get kind of paranoid too! You just never know the true intentions of people's hearts sometimes and the world is becoming a scarier place all the time. Hopefully the terror of the dream will fade over the next few days and you'll feel safe again. Dreams are so real that they can be hard to shake.

Happy Bloggiversary!!! I love coming here to read your posts! :)

Kayelyn said...

#1- you are so not crazy. I've had scary dreams like that before and I absolutely detest waking up in a panic.

#2- Your ability (like the reframe?) to stay calm may actually be the response that saves you and your family IF you are ever faced with a crisis situation.

#3- I don't trust either. Been burned too many times by friends and extended family members. So sad.

Amanda said...

Happy Blogiversary!!

Sorry about your bad dream! That is no fun. It can get real scary thinking about all the bad people in the world. It could almost make a person go crazy thinking about it. Try not to let it get to you too much. There is really a lot of good people in the world too. Dwell on that! :D Hope you have a great weekend.

Tori :) said...

Sei said:

I don't know why you are sooo scared. I was on SWAT, remember! All you have to do is speed dial my pager and I'll wake up and save you.

Tori :) said...

Thanks y'all. I know I'm a big dork. I did some Dance Dance Revolution tonite and I'm feeling a little better. :)

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

Happy Anniversary!

I am sorry about your unsafe feelings. I appreciate you posting about your dream and how you cautiously go about your day to day stuff. I need to be more cautious... I've gotten into that happy valley mode in the past 2 years... because I think I know my neighbors, etc. Nobody can be trusted until proven otherwise, you are right.

Help I need a user name! said...

One of my favorite verses when I feel like this is "For God has not given a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and a sound mind." I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been reading your blog for a few months now, and you seem like a really fun person.

Help I need a user name! said...

In case you don't get back to my blog...

Tori :) said...
Just curious- how did you happen upon MY blog?

7:25 AM


Help I need a user name! said...
Hi, there!

I think I was updating my blog, long ago, before algebra, and you know the "dashboard" part, where you can see the list of recently updated blogs? I believe it scrolling by there. I think. I'm not sure. I hope it's okay! You sure have a lovely family-I loved the gymnastics video with your little girl. Nice goin', mom!

Penny

10:01 AM

Tori :) said...

Totally fine. Happy to have you here. I was just wondering because usually people find me thru other people's blogs and you didn't have other blogs listed. So... yay! Thanks for reading. :)

Help I need a user name! said...

By the way, I LOVED Napoleon Dynamite. I was people like that! :-)

Robin said...

When Trent is gone I sleep with my phone and cell phone. I woke up one night totally worrying about what I would do if someone broke into my house and it was very unpleasant. Most of the time I try to remember how rare that actually is.