Sunday, April 15, 2007

I don't wanna talk about it...

But I will anyway. I know I am not fat. I'm not. I've seen "fat" and I'm not fat. But years ago I went on a diet and lost so much weight. I was HOT. (I was wearing a size 0/2.) I call it the "Divorce Diet." I guess I shouldn't say that I "went on a diet." This is just what I realized I was eating under all the stress of the divorce:
  • Eat 4 Jack In The Box eggrolls everyday. That's it. Oh, and lots of Diet Dr. Pepper. For a grand total of 460 calories.

Yeah- I wouldn't recommend that diet. It was stupid. Really stupid. And now I wish I had never gotten that skinny. I mean, it landed me an awesome husband. But man, I set the bar too high. I now compare any weight I'm at now, to the weight I was then. I am now 15 pounds heavier than I was when I met Sei. Ugh. If I had just stayed the weight I was before my divorce diet, then I would only be 5 pounds heavier than I was. I tell Sei if he wants me to look as hot as I did when we got married, then he needs to divorce me!! One day we will totally be his parents. His dad is way skinny and his mom is...not. Once when they were visiting Sei told his mom when we were getting in the van, "Here, Mom, you sit in the front because you're bigger." Ok, if any of my kids EVER say that to me- no matter how true it may be- I can't say what will happen. It will be bad. Very bad.

I know I'm never gonna weigh what I weighed when I met Sei. Why? Because I like eating. I do. I like it a lot. I'm positive I eat more than Sei. I tell him he's the only anorexic Samoan I've ever met. And I like to eat bad stuff. I don't crave salads or turkey sandwiches. I crave candy. I crave McDonald's french fries. I crave sweet pork enchilladas from Costa Vida. Yummy! So, yeah... I'm a junkaholic. And I've tried to be good. I'll go like 3 months eating so good, working out, etc... and then something will throw me off and I never get back on. So, this week I am "getting back on." I'm not going to diet exactly, but I am going to get back to working out everyday. Not 3 days a week, not when I can, everyday (except Sunday.) When I'm working out regularly I eat better. I don't seem to crave crap as much. And if I'm working out I don't feel guilty when I do eat some crap. Not alot of crap- but some. I'm not saying a certain weight I want to get down to. I just want to feel better. I feel crappy because I eat crappy and I haven't worked out regularly for almost a month. I've worked out, but not like I was doing.


So, that's my goal- to FEEL BETTER!! And to get rid of this muffin top. Sometimes I'll be thinkin' "Man,I look good!" and then I see a picture of me and I have a freakin' roll hangin' over. Yuck! Anyway... I'm gonna check in once a week on my blog- just a little blurb to say if I've been working out better or not. I like working out. I just need to work out something with Sei so I'm not constantly trying to run during naptime or run pushing a double stroller. (Harder than it looks!!) Not to mention, I would love/need some alone time. Anyway, that is all. Have a muffin. In fact, you can have mine.

15 comments:

Toni said...

How many times did you say crap or crappy in that post? hehe

Good for you! A size 0/2 is for prepubescent girls!

No Cool Story said...

Good for you getting back into exercise, it’s the best thing to do really. Our similarities never end, I feel like I want to lose 15 lb and be back to my weight of last summer.
I'll have your muffin, it looks fat free :)

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

You always make me smile, Tori. Good luck getting in shape like you want. I guess I am lucky to have the "football player" type build hubby... so I am always going to be technically smaller than him.

We watched Rocky Balboa last night. I liked it. Glad Ian forced me to watch it. The workout/training bit with the music made me want to get my butt in gear. I hope I can soon. Like I say, when the baby sleeps thru regularly I think I might be able to get up and do it first thing every morning.

Robin said...

Oh I hear ya sister! I just saw how fat my gace has gotten already this pregnancy and I wanted to cry! I need to work out like I did through most of my last pregnancy, yes at the church with you guys. I want to by an aerobic step and maybe you can xend me a tape or cd with the 3 minute, one minute interval music!

Mel said...

You go girl! I'm feeling the same way. I just feel crappy and the muffin doesn't even look good so thats a start!

Stepherz said...

I'm with you on the muffin, muffin. Muffins are no good in a bikini. Although, you won't catch me EVER trying a bikini on again. I may be blond, but I'm no dummy!

I need to work out everyday too, obviously. I got down to 143 and then I just stopped losing weight. I've been holding still at 143 for over a month, despite being consistent with my workout. So, I'm going to up it to 5 days too, I just haven't figured out HOW I'm going to do that. I could go to the gym after the babies go to bed, but where would I fit in my lounge/tv/cereal/blogging time!? I would ultimately like to get down to 135. At this rate, I'll never see those numbers again. Urgg.

Good luck, Tori! Let me know how you end up making it work with kids/husband/dinner/etc. routine!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

My dad lost a lot of weight with the divorce diet, and I agree, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. :)

I heard about a lady who changed NOTHING about the way she ate, but she started walking an hour a day. She lost 20 pounds in a few months. I was like, dude, just walking???

Jenny said...

I think trying to eat a little better and do some working out is a great idea. I'm trying to get it going over here too. If it ever gets warm, I'm going to start taking long walks and see how that goes.

Tori :) said...

toni: I know. Bad habit!!

NCS: So, you're tipping the scales at like 100 lbs??

Gina: I have a ton of Rocky music on my mp3. It really does pump you up!!

Robin: I miss our work out group!! It sucks trying to motivate yourself.

Mel: Feeling crappy is what finally got me motivated. I'm tired of feelin' crappy.

Stepherz: YOU look great!! Those baggy butt jeans- wow. So jealous. Sei's jeans don't even sag on me like yours were on you!

Millie: Yeah, that diet was by accident. Not good. I'm hoping that tweaking my diet a little but mostly exercise will make me feel better.

Jenny: I wish the weather would cooperate here too!! There are so many nice running trails around here, but it's too cold for me or for the babes.

Suzanne said...

This was a great post, Tori! I can't wait to hear your updates, but I suspect that I would think you already looked great if I saw you in real life!

Melissa said...

I'm with you Tori! I have been doing Weight Watchers since January and except for my vacation malfunction am doing pretty well! Today I am back on track and I should actually be heading upstairs for my date with the treadmill. It seems that quite a few of my blogging buddies have been jumping on the weight wagon. I think it is our spring fear of bathing suit time arriving. I usually post once a week on my weigh in and set a goal for the week. If you need an accountability buddy just let me know!

Nan said...

Okay, it's my first time at your blog and #1 You and your whole family are GORGEOUS!! And no matter what, you are beautiful!

I'm in awe of your beautiful family!

But I'm never one to tell people they ought not have goals such as yours so even though you look perfect just as you are, you GO with your bad self! :^D I need your determination!

Amanda said...

Oh crap, that was great! I totally feel the same way. I'm not fat, but I've got the muffin problem too. I've been working out since school started. I love it. I haven't lost as much as I wanted to, but I'm feeling lots better. Not as crappy! ;)

Nettie said...

I'll gladly take a muffin! I have a weakness for food, too.

Good for you for making healthy changes! I'm working on that too. Only my goal is to start working out regularly for the first time in, oh, about 14 years!

Katie said...

After I went anovulatory this last time, I got a muffin top for the first time in my life (not counting the recovery period from my babies). I hate it---but apparently not enough to actually do anything about it.