Monday, July 02, 2007

What is it with MALES??

I have 3 boys and a husband. I am trying my darndest to teach my boys not to be totally gross. I grew up in a house with 3 girls, until I was 10 then along came my brother. So, we didn't really walk around gleeking or making our armpits fart or making that annoying dripping sound by flicking our cheek. We just didn't. And neither did my dad. Now I am far from prude. I actually find my husband's jail humor quite humorous, but I have to feign shock. Otherwise it wouldn't be as fun for him to tell his gross jokes. I've been known to tell a few "bad ones" myself. I've even had to say "Whew! Do NOT go in there!" after leaving the bathroom. Not to mention I can out-burp my kids, easy. Justin Timberlake has nuthin' on me. He is, afterall, the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards Burp Champ. (Y'all knew that already, right? I didn't just reveal how big of loser I really am, did I??)

So, here's my question: Why must Seiuli make it so hard for me to train up my sons in the way they should go?? (Like that scriptorial reference??) Tonite, for example, Taj asked me out of the blue, "Do you have throw up or diarrhea?" I said, "Um. Neither. I'm ok. Thanks." So, then he asked Sei and Sei's all like, "Diarrhea. It's really stinky & runny." Ok, gross. We were at the kitchen table eating and now all the sudden my sweet pork salad looked like diarrhea- with leaves. And Sei and Taj just sit there and talk about poop and whatever else. Gross. (As I'm writing this, I just got Elastic Waistband Lady's comment for my last post. You're right EWBL- we don't have a poop graveyard. Our backyard will never be as cool as yours! Ugh. Maybe I'll start letting Taj make his "poop friends" out there!) Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes. My husband. I am so lucky to be married to him. He really is great blogging material.

PS. If I had known whining about lurkers would get me 20+ comments, I would have done it sooner!!


David said...

Sadie loves the film loop. "wuk! wuk!"

Sei, perhaps you should discuss the Bristol Stool Chart with Taj. It has helpful illustrations to describe diarrhea!

Lauren said...

HAHAHA boys these days. What is it about them loving to talk about poop? Today my older brother informed me that he loves the word poop because it sounds funny to say AND its spelt the same backwards or frontwards.

Isaura said...

ewww and Jessica Biel sp? is way too cute for Justin anyway.

Mel said...

It's a mystery to me!

Heffalump said...

I have five sons. Our dinner table conversations almost always turn to something gross. The youngest just loves to say the word poop. The armpits, the belching...I have seen it all. You should have seen them when we had the sister missionaries over for dinner.

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

You've always been a fun blogger, Tori. But this post just took the cake as far as funny goes! You are such the writer!

We quote Ace Ventura after a long gassing in the loo as well. I've feigned shock for Ian too... it's amazing how desensitized one becomes after spending so much time with males.

No Cool Story said...

Boys are just icky.

I'm not into bathroom humor at all. Not one bit. But it's that humor that seems to give my son and friends great and hilarious anecdotes.

PS: At this point, Sei can do no wrong in my book.

PS2: Wooo hooo! Panic's song was the first one that came to my mind :)

palmtreefanatic said...

boys are boys and men? they are just boys in larger bodies...unfortunately this never changes;)

Toni said...

David is the one that can gross me out. He has talent. I am sure Luke will follow in his footsteps, it's in the DNA, right??!?

Suzanne said...

Yep, I live with 3 guys and I don't know what's so fascinating about bodily functions, but I just don't get it! Yah, a joke here and there is funny, but the bragging? Now that's just messed up! :D

Suzanne said...

P.S. I love the montage of your back yard. It looks fantastic and Sei did a great job. I can't to see it in real life eventually! :)

Tori :) said...

David- Please don't encourage him.

Lauren- I never thought about poop being spelt the same backwards and forwards... Hmmm... Maybe it's cooler than I thought.

Isaura- I wish I had Jessica's body. I mean, for my own body, not in a gay way.

Mel- I'm sure you've had your fair share of poop conversations with your gizmos!! :)

Heffalump- Doesn't it seem like they are performing when guests are there? Sei likes to tell all his "wife jokes" when we our home teachers are there. Thanks babe.

Gina- Too bad all this funny stuff is real life for me. Or actually I guess it's good. Laughing is better than crying- usually.

NCS- Salutations right back atcha! I wondered if anyone would notice that up there. Thanks for the salad scarf.

PTF- I know. It's like I have 8 kids instead of 7. Except I sleep with one... That sounds bad.

Toni- I think it's in the male sex gene, period.

Suzanne- I wonder what they would do if we just started farting and stuff and bragging about gross stuff. Would it not be as fun to them anymore?

Suzanne2- Thanks! Come see it soon!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Salutations, you big loser. :)

(There's your insult)

I grew up with boys and their grossness doesn't bother me much, until they're doing stuff around other people... then they get the evil eye from me.

Dana said...

My girls are just as bad as Taj and Sei!

Maybe I should whine about my lurkers. I have one that has been to my place 87 times in the past month AND lives dangerously close my husbands ex!

tara said...

Yeah, I only have 1 boy (my husband) and that's enough gross for me. What worries me is what he's teaching my 3 girls!

Your BACKYARD LOOKS FAB-U_LOUS! I love Utah grass so much better than Texas grass... you know the difference!

s--max said...

I gave up a long time ago & joined in. I too can give any guy that I've ever come across (except for Micah) a run for their money in the burping category. That stuff doesn't bother me & the shock value isn't as cool for them when I beat 'em to the punch. & don't feel bad ~ I totally knew what your were talking about w/the J.T. thing. I watched too. (should I actually admit that Ryan was nowhere near the tv?)

utmommy said...

We have those same gross things going on over here. DH thinks it's hilarious.

On Sunay the kids were laying on the bed with DH while I was at the computer when I heard S say "I have hair in my butt". What? Where did that come.

My response: "We don't need to talk like that, remember?"

DH's response: No words, just laughing and laughing for like 5 minutes. What's up with that?

No Cool Story said...

The salad scarf: Anytime you come to my blog, comment first and second and THEN make a note of it...I juts gottta say you deserve that scarf.

When I say "Shotgun", you say "Wedding"!!

SoDak Angel said...

boys are gross....I just don't get it either....Mister will be laughing and laughing....and I keep saying, "they are never going to find a wife doing arm-pit gun farts....NEVER!" I think he thinks they will outgrow it, obviously not, he still thinks it is amusing...they are just ick....and I give up! Quick note.....I posted who I think your gmg tag is from on that post.

Stepherz said...

I know! The only time I've ever gotten more than 20 comments was the one time I asked folks to de-lurk. So funny!

Boys are silly gross sometimes. I love it! That gives me an excuse to be silly gross too. I used to blame my farts on Bella, and it was funny because she was so little and couldn't defend herself. Now when she poots, she blames it on me. I guess what goes around comes around!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

We have a gross out quota in our house and my kids strive to meet their numbers every day.

Did I ever tell you the one about my Melody and the day we thought she got into our chocolate stash because it was all over her face, the walls, the door, and the floors? No? I'll give you a hint. It wasn't chocolate.

Kayelyn said...

Uhm, I am not sure that I really want to go here, but here it goes. My hubby likes to say gross things especially to my daughters. I think he does this because of their reaction (ooh gross, daddy). I tell them not to encourage him, but yeah, you know how that goes.

One thing I have noticed about all my kiddos, male or female, anytime they pass gas they laugh and laugh. We can be in bed trying to sleep and all of sudden we hear this laughing and no matter how many times we tell them to settle down and go to sleep (of course we are snickering at them laughing over a fart, too) they just keep laughing and laughing.

While I don't understand the need for males to gross us out, I just try to ignore it. . . and some times it works and well, you know, sometimes it just goes on and on and on.

Nancy Face said...

Wellll, hello! I'm Lauren's mom, and she loves being your friend and getting "real" mail from you! :) Your family is beautiful! Okay, now on to the poop...I was raised in a home with all brothers, just like Lauren is now, so "boy stuff" doesn't bewilder me at all! In fact, one of our favorite topics of conversation at the dinner table would have to all of its varieties, such as human, canine, get the picture. It gets really fun when we're stirring up brownie mix or eating refried beans.