Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Why I should be the guy or my husband should be the chick

Don't be confused by my title. My husband is very manly and very tough- obviously. You've seen him ta$ed and maced and whatever forms of torture he's allowed to be used upon himself. But my husband possesses some qualities that I don't and I probably should.

1) He hates germs. I'm not saying I LOVE germs, but I don't think about them as much as he does. When we get to a hotel he's like grossed out by the blanket on the bed and whatnot and can't help but bring up how if he had a blacklite we'd probably find poop on the doorknob, bedbugs in the bed and $emen on the wall. Yeah- same in our house, minus the $emen on the wall. Ew. If Liv poops in the bathtub or something like that he takes it upon himself to scrub it. Even if I'm standing there with the stuff to clean it with. I guess I don't do it "right."

2) He's a better housekeeper. This may stem from the fact that he hates germs or because him mom had them scrubbing the toilet before school everyday. I don't know. But it's true no matter WHY he's like that. If someone is coming over I will straighten the house and clean up, and Mr. FrenchMaid will follow right behind me and clean my "clean" room. It's kinda like when I load my mom's dishwasher and she "reloads" it. Whatevah. Or he'll come home from work and start sweeping the floor I already swept 3 times during the day- you just can't tell. It makes me feel bad- like he's probably thinking "What does she *do* all day??" (No that's not him in the pic!!)

3) He likes houseguests. I am the self-proclaimed worst hostess in the world. (I should take lessons from Annie.) I do not enjoy having people in my home. Not because I don't like them, I just suck at being a hostess. I don't think to say 'Would you like something to drink?' I'm not rude, I'm just NOT GOOD AT IT. Growing up I very rarely remember anyone staying with us besides my grandma, so I never learned how to be a hostess and obviously if there is a gene, it skipped me. I also kinda feel stressed to make conversation and really, I suck at that too. And please don't take this to mean if you are coming into to town you shouldn't ask to stay with me. I will welcome you- just don't expect a mint on your pillow.

4) He eats less than me. I soooo wish he ate more. I like food. I'm a pig. He's my anorexic Samoan. He's not too skinny or anything at all, but I fear the day when he can stand behind me and no one will be able to see him because I'm ginormous and he's... not. We are the future Mr. & Mrs. Jack Sprat... (...could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean.)

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Yvonne said...

You so make me laugh ; )

(Love the picture of the germs (and the French maid?)

You have to know how many women would LOVE to have that problem--a man who would come home and sweep the floor. He just wants to be helpful. Regarding the houseguests: I think you probably think when you have houseguests if they need something they'll ask!!!

Robin said...

Haaa Ha ha. Tretn toatlly cleans up my "clean" rooms too. Whenever I have someone over, he's like you had them over eith the house like this, and I thought I had picked up. I'm pretty sure I eat more than him too, we weigh about the same right now. Ouch.

annie said...

He sounds dreamy to me :)
(I'm such a germaphobe!!!)

Suzanne said...

I think you are a great conversationalist and you'd be a great hostess, Tori, but then again, I don't need mints on my pillow.

I can't think about germs too much, or I'd get too grossed out and turn into one of those crazy ladies that never leaves the house.

At least you can be grateful that your hubby is willing to help out with housework, right? :)


Papi doesn't like anyone in his house, either because that would mean putting on pants.

(He wears boxer shorts over his G's all the time)

aubrey said...

lol, this was such a funny post. i always tell my girlfriends that paul is my wife. because he cooks and cleans and takes care of the kids and goes shopping for me.

Klin said...

1) I am still the germ freak.
2) I trained him right and now he bugs the crap out of me cause I don't care if the house is a little messy. :D
That picture is so wrong. So very wrong.
3) You are the worst hostess? Are you kidding me? No, really. I didn't get that from you. Actually the few times I did visit and it was quiet it didn't bug me a bit and I didn't come to drink your drinks and have mints. I came to see you.
Mr. is a house guest disliker. He just isn't social. That's my job. Well, if you're outside then he's fine, just not in the house. He's weird like that.
4)I eat less and eat better than Mr and HE has the better cholesterol! I guess Der Weinerschnitzel is good for you.

You a hawt looking woman, Mrs. Sprat! ;)

S said...

So is that him in the jack sprat picture?

Corrine said...

I totally thought the jack sprat poem before you mentioned it, or rather before I read it. I wish sometimes my hubby was a clean freak, it takes him tripping over something landing in something else, knocking something over, into a pile of something to even think "i think we need to clean up." which for me is great sometimes because it takes a lot for him to notice that I had a really bad day and didn't get anything done :)

Stacey said...

I wish my hubby was little more germphobic so I wouldn't have to clean the bathroom. I hate doing it!

That french maid is hawt.

I'm not a great hostess either. I usually say,"would you like a drink? The cups are in that cupboard right there,have at it."

swampbaby said...

Pansy boy. ;-) said...

hi cutie!

thank you for this. you made me laugh my guts out with your number one! still chuckling.

you are blessed to have your awesome mate. remember, you both are a terrific example to me of a loving sweet and adorable marriage.

you rooo-ooock! kathleen :)

Nancy Face said...

I am just like you with the house guest thing...I am SOOO not good at it!

I like my house neat and picked up, but I don't deep clean it. Maybe that's why I freak out if someone wants to stay with us...I don't want them to see inside my shower! :0

utmommy said...

You are so funny. I thought you were a perfectly lovely hostess when we came over.

By the way, I'll be your sister and we can go on a weekend retreat together:)

Ashley said...

Wish I had that problem...I'd just be happy hubby is cleaning. Which means I COULD sit around and do almost nothing. Haha.

Anonymous said...

I might just give you a run for your money in a competition for the worst hostess. My friend is trying to train me but I'm not trainable! The gene skipped me too!

I think I take it a step further in that I expect someone who is at my house to spill drinks or food on my furniture or the carpet. Just another reason to hate having people in my home.

Jean Knee said...

so glad that wasn't him in the photo