Monday, May 19, 2008

I'm not a cop, but I'm not stupid

This weekend we participated in a park clean up. It actually wasn't too bad. We picked up trash and then the kids played at the park. While I was there a woman asked me, "So what's it like to be married to a cop? Does he tell you things like 'don't go there' or 'don't do that'?" I wanted to say "Yeah, because he's the only one with common sense in our family. Woo- thank goodness I have him to tell me not to walk down a dark alley alone!" But instead I said, "Well, I'm already pretty aware, borderline paranoid, so he doesn't really have to tell me anything."

I don't know why her question rubbed me the wrong way. She didn't mean anything by it, but it bothered me. Yes, Sei has special training & knowledge in some areas that I don't, but when it comes to things like keeping myself and kids safe I'm don't need 5 months in the academy. I'm positive I listen to my gut a lot more than Sei does. I'm a chick- that's what we do. If anything, I tend to freak myself out more than I probably need to, but it puts me on guard just in case. When I'm going somewhere SOMEONE always knows where. When I am leaving that place I call home to let them know. If I am uncomfortable with the parking available I call Sei to let him know where I ended up parking or I drive around FO'-EVA waiting for a safer spot. I've even asked a woman to wait in her car after she loaded her groceries while I finish loading my groceries when it was dark, late and there were only a few cars in the parking lot. She was more than willing. We have to have each other's backs. I admit I think about weird things- like as I run thru our neighborhood I prefer to stay on the main road that everyone can see rather than run down on the of the other streets. Why? Because everytime I've run down the other street I've thought, "What if there's a weirdo that keeps a woman prisoner in a box under his bed?" (Hey! It really happened!) It'd be a lot easier to "steal me" off that road than the main one. Right? I know I'm weird- but so far I haven't become anyone's prisoner. Right?

Sei and I also have a password I would say if I was in danger and couldn't really talk. If I say it he knows to call 9-1-1 for me. Much like on "Oceans 12" when Julia Roberts warns George Clooney that Andy Garcia had found him. I can't remember what she says exactly... something about "And the basement is flooded..."

Just the other day I was at a place and it was just the owner- a man- and me. I had been to this place several times before but there had always been other customers or a female worker. Not this time. Just being there alone with him put me on guard. I'm sure he's totally nice, but I wasn't taking chances. I text Sei to let him know the guy gave me the heebie jeebies. I told him I'd be home in 10 minutes and I looked for an escape route just in case. Was I freaked out for no reason? Yes. Would I have been prepared if he had attacked me? Yes. Would Sei have come to find me if I didn't come home in 10 minutes? Yes. Did Sei tell me to do any of these things? No.

I don't know why I've been so bugged by her question. And I realize this post is all over the place! I'm a dork. I guess maybe because I was thinking "Do you think I'm that dumb? I need someone to TELL me how to stay safe?" But then again, this was the same lady who was telling me about the running trails she loves. Trails I would NEVER run on because they are heavily wooded and not visible from the main road. Should I have Sei call her to tell her not to go there?

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aurora said...

Great post, Tori!

I agree you, wholeheartedly. ☺ You sound a lot like me. I am often teased because I am paranoid, but just like you said, '... have I become someone's prisoner?' No!

I do the same with driving around for a safe place to park- usually near a light; I always call when I leave someplace, and I have DEMANDED that my teenage girls do the same. If they forget to let us know that they arrived; they come home. That lesson was learned in a one-time offense. ☺ The world sucks and we have to be careful. Very careful. End of story.

Nancy Face said...

I'm with you! I'm very careful, even paranoid, about bad guys. I NEVER want to become their victim, and I want my loved ones to be safe, too!

Amanda said...

This was a great post Tori! This is something I need to work on. After my incident last week it is obvious that I need to be a lot more careful and aware. I am paranoid in some areas, but lax in other. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to my kids that I could have prevented!

Chel said...

Sorry it rubbed you the wrong way. I know I've wondered what it would be like to be married to a cop (not necessarily for those reasons, but curious)... so I'm sure she meant nothing demeaning or that you don't know how to be safe. You're a smart girl.. and tough. I'd hate to be on your bad side :) i don't even put Scarlet in big bows anymore. :)

Klin said...

So my first instinct was to agree with your perception then I remembered that we had an overzealous cop who ran background checks on everyone down here and gave his wife a list of people that she could talk to and take the kids trick or treating, etc. So I can see where the lady is coming from. By asking the question.

So I decided that maybe, just maybe she knew someone like that, too and was just wondering if all cops are weird and tell their wives what to do.

For the record, my bro is a cop and he never tells me where to go or what to do. I do get to hear some pretty wild stories, though.

Moral of the story: Sei is not a weird cop and Tori is safety wise.

Anonymous said...

You and I sure think alike! Could we be kin folks??
I just try not to go out at night, guess I'm a scarty kat!
Ala. Grandmother

Jean Knee said...

definitely tell her not to go there. and not to open the door to any zombies

No Cool Story said...

YAY! Twin Powers to 100%
I'm not paranoid, I'm very "safe". I always look for all the emergency exits first and make sure I'm not a sitting duck for some weirdo.

Your little story about being at the store with just the owner reminded me about (a very creepy, of course) story that happened in Vegas: A lady went to this Spy Shop to buy something (it's still on Tropicana) and she was never seen again. Yep, the guy behind the counter was responsible :(

So good for you. said...

hi tori,

i'm with you. you are not out there. you are right on target. good that you trust your gut, your vibes, your heebie jeebies. there is a good reason why we feel those things. good for you for listening to yourself.

you made great points, kathleen

K said...

Have you read Protecting the Gift by Gavin deBecker? It's right up your alley---it talks about how important it is that we teach our kids to listen to those instincts. If they get a weird vibe from Uncle Joe, they shouldn't have to kiss him good bye. A friendly wave will suffice.

When we lived in Provo, Josh worked with a guy who used to be an undercover cop. That guy told awful stories about a certain park there, and Josh told me that I shouldn't go there. Every time I drove by, I saw moms and kids playing happily, but I always wondered if the weirdos were in the shadows watching. twitch twitch Maybe that lady was wondering if you had inside info like that?

Yvonne said...

Great post. All of us need to be aware. I don't think it's being paranoid--I think it's being smart. If I'm traveling somewhere and decide to take a different route, I always text Allan to let him know where I am.

I think in our world today we need to be a little more careful--heck, we need to be a lot more careful.

Tori :) said...

K- I think I know which park you are talking about. Sei told me the same thing. It was like the drug/homeless/yuck park although it looked so nice. We didn't go there either.

NOBODY said...

Does your husband tell you not to stand on street corners dressed like a hooker? Because uh, that's TOTALLY illegal Tori.