Sunday, June 08, 2008

"Umm...???"

The title was my recent answer to a question I was asked by my brother. I don't remember what we were talking about exactly but he said, "So Tori what *are* your interests? What do you like to do?"
"Ummm....?"

Yep- "Um" was all I could give him. It's not that I don't have interests or have things I like to do- I just don't remember them. How sad is that? Not only do I not *remember* my interests, there are things I know I'm probably interested in learning more about but I just don't have the time, resources or opportunity to learn more or participate in these things. Or I'm too big of a chicken to try. Does that make sense?? Am I the only one like this? I've been a SAHM for 13 years. During that time I think I've taken only one class that I really, really enjoyed. It was a TaeBo class. I loved it. I went 5 days a week. I'd take Isabel with me- obviously she was nothing like Liv... I took it for 12 weeks and loved it. Then I had to quit because my ob/gyn wanted me to when I was 8 weeks pregnant with Taj. After I had him they changed the class to 5 am. Yeah, right. So...

I've also studied ASL as much as you can "study" it on your own. I've never taken classes- they never worked with Sei's work schedule. I've rented videos, studied books, taught Taj and Liv, etc... But if a fluent signer tried signing to me, I'd be screwed. It's like thinking you know Spanish and then watching a soccer game on the Telemundo. The only word you understand is "Gooooooooooooooooooool!"

I'm not bitter. Or sad or anything, I don't think. It was a little depressing to realize that other people have no clue what my interests are either because I appear to have none. I'll have the opportunity to explore my interests as well as achieve the perfect body (thru whatever means necessary;), as my children get older. I want to learn to wakeboard- not just GET UP on a wakeboard, but actually do it well. I realize I need a boat. And a wakeboard.... I also would like to study ASL more at the university here. And I have things I like to do now, I just don't study and analyze them. I like watching movies and listening to music. I like watching reality forensic shows and trying to solve the mystery. I'd love to be a detective, but I'm not being a cop before that! I'm too scared and going by the things I admitted in the Confession Booth, I wouldn't get hired anyway. I tell Sei all the time to become a detective so I can solve his crimes for him. ;)

I think giving up certain opportunities, etc... is just part of being a wife and a mother. I can't play the guitar like I think would be cool, but I rock at Dicekinz on the Webkinz site. I win Taj all kinds of loot! I'm content, yes sometimes bored, but still content, with just "being content" for now.


post signature

14 comments:

Mindi said...

amen to that, sister--i've got 4 rugrats and it seems like every moment for the past 14 years has been consumed by parenting. but guess what?? the good news is that, little by little lately, i am starting to reclaim some "ME" time back!!!
i, too, have always wanted to waterskii (i know, old school) but i figured i missed my window. prove me wrong!!!

S said...

I hear life begins at forty!!! But I know the feeling about "UMMMmm"! N the confession booth, I rank so low on excitement overall in my life it is sad. Maybe the second half will be WILD! LOL

Klin said...

When I stayed at home, by interests were keeping the house presentable, trying to feed the kids on some kind of schedule, taking a daily shower, reading to the kids, etc. I enjoyed those interests. Those interests brought me joy and satisfaction. There are days I miss them, but I also love the opportunities that my current stage of life presents.

Quizzy's word challenge is my forte on WebKinz. My girls want me to earn them bucks on there, too.

Tori :) said...

Mindi- I'll be the 80 yr old lady you hear about on the news who broke her hip wakeboarding.

S- Well if you were coming to Portland I would help make you WILD!!

Klin- I kick but at Quizzy's word challenge too! Woo hoo!! Daily showers are a valid interest. :)

No Cool Story said...

Aww my cute twin :)
Someone asked me the other day what I like to do for fun.
I wanted to say "blogging" but I didn't want to tell her I have a blog,'cause I don't want her to know. So I just sat there and said "ummm...[long dumb pause]reading, watching movies".

What a LEWZER.

s--max said...

Ok. You got me to thinking about my interests. Ya know what I came up with? Ummm...???

aubrey said...

i think being a supercool mom (like you are) is the best kind of interest you can have right now. that's just my personal opinion. but if you want to do some of those things, take small steps and figure out a way to do them. you're awesome tori!

Mindi said...

oh. my. GOSH.
i just giggled thru all 17 of your comments. actually, more like guffaw, ugly-laughing.

not cute, but man! good stuff.

you and are are gonna get along JUST FIIIIIINEEE.

wendy said...

I'm the same way. I'm just not all that interested in stuff. The scuba class my husband made me take was the first class I had taken in years.

This spring I took a hula class. It was fun. And I really and truly am going to learn how to surf this summer. and i mean it.

but mostly I just like to read and keep the house clean. that's all.

swampbaby said...

I think the problem most of the time is not that there is a lack of definable interests, it is more when people don't have something that is propelling them forward. Something to wake up to each day and feel excited about. A challenge. A goal. If there is nothing in your life that you are passionate about then that is when you feel unfulfilled and bored. You have to be dissatisfied with where you are at in order to get somewhere else. Not dissatisfied as in unhappy, but dissatisfied as in wanting to push yourself to do and be more.

Chel said...

I'm totally feeling you on this one. I really believe that you "give up" a lot to be a successful wife and mother. I disagree when people say, "you don't have to give up anything to be a mother." It fact, that quite bothers me.

As mothers, we are suppose to put our kids interests first and develop them to be the best they can be and more often than not, that means not having the time and/or resources to do what we are interested in or pursue our hobbies.

However, with that being said, I feel it is just as important to make sure we are feeling personally fulfilled. So if it means getting a babysitter for an hour while you do Taebo, than do it. Or taking a class at the university... we need to be stimulated just as much as our littles. :)

Yvonne said...

There is a time and a season for everything. Your interests right now are your kids--think if you were a SAHM who never went to any of your children's games or never helped with their homework or anything else. You are a mom who is involved.

By the way, I think you would make a great detective. I hear there is an opening on CSI in the fall ; )

JustRandi said...

I was going to say BLOGGING, HELLO? but then I read NCS's comment and it sort of occurred to me that I feel the same way.
Next time someone asks, go with Guitar Hero.

Nancy Face said...

Being content is AWESOME! There are lots of women who have no idea what it's like to be content with where their life is at the time.

Did that make any sense?