Friday, July 18, 2008

In which I rant about Bella

But 1st: Tristan, Alec and Isabel come home TOMORROW! TOMORROW!!! I love ya tomorrow!! Taj, Livie, Kelsea and Karlea are all very ready for them to be here. I talked to Tristan the other day and said, ''So, are ya ready to come home?" Usually he'd be like, "Huh? Yeah." But instead he said, "YES" very firmly. YAY! It almost sounded like "PLEASE GET ME OUTTA HERE!" :)

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Ok, now, if you haven't read the Twilight series you can stop reading now if you want....
***SPOILER ALERT***

I finished Eclipse for the 2nd time last nite, so I've re-read the entire series this month. I've had weird Jacob-induced dreams. Me-likey Jacob-induced dreams.
And I have decided (again): I can not stand Bella. I can't. 1st of all, Bella falls down WAY too much. NO ONE can fall down that much unless there's a medical problem- like lack of balance in her brain or something. Not only that- she's so freakin' needy. I've been tired before but I've never had Sei carry me to the car and buckle my seatbelt for me. And I'm so tired of her waking up and "running a brush" thru her hair, not looking in the mirror, throwing on a flannel shirt and then leaving to go see this guy she feels totally plain and ugly next to. I have news for you Bella- with the description of your hygiene practices and wardrobe choices you ARE plain and ugly. And you bug the crap out of me. Why does everyone like you anyway? I'll tell you why. Because you are the new girl in an itty-bitty town. That's the only reason. Everytime my family went to visit my grandma in Many, Louisiana all the boys at church were like, "The girls from Dallas are here!!" We were the hotties from Dallas even when I was 5th grade Tori. Why were they all excited? Because they had already dated the 12 other girls in town. That's why.

This is what I hope will happen in Breaking Dawn but I know WON'T happen. I hope Edward sees the lite. I want him to realize that she is spastic and leave her. Then I want her to go running back to Jacob and he totally dump her. It would serve her right.

Edward irritates me as well. I mean, he is a total gentleman and stuff and totally sweet, but he enables Bella to be needy and whiney. "Let me carry you everywhere and blame myself for EVERYTHING..." Ugh. Maybe that's a turn on to him. IDK. Letting her cry all nite long over Jacob, in his arms, was just too much. And not getting mad that she had a suck-face-fest with Jacob is ridiculous too. Speaking of the suck-face-fest... Holy morning breath and she even mentions her matted Medusa hair and said "who cares" how she looks. Eew. Jacob should have cared. I would have at the very least brushed my teeth and combed my hair before sharing a hot, steamy kiss with my half-naked werewolf. Gross.

And really- to quote Lauren from an email where we discussed important matters as addressed in this post: "Who wears khaki skirts and sweaters to meet parents?" Amen. Bella, go back to Phoenix. You bug me.

Oh, and can I just say that if Stephenie Meyer kills Jacob in Breaking Dawn... I will be in mourning. And seriously pissed.
That is all.

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33 comments:

omar said...

Glad that the kids will be back home! I'm sure they'll be thrilled to be back and to see Sei and their siblings :)

Hey, what's the Twilight series? I've never heard of it...

Tori :) said...

You make me laugh Omar. :D

And you read WAY too many Mormon chick's blogs to not know what the Twilight series is. I know you are lying. Just remember JACOB IS MINE.

BadAti2d said...

There's a fine line between "new girl" interest, and showing wonder at how much hairspray it must take to keep a Dallas girl's hair that big in Louisiana humidity.

K said...

I finished Eclipse last night too, although I neglected my family and home for three days straight while I reread the entire series. I'm an Edward gal, but the every time I read the books again---especially New Moon---the more I like Jacob.

You're absolutely right about Bella being too needy and Edward too kind. I've got my Breaking Dawn (which I just typoed as Breaking Down) on pre-order at Amazon. I fully expect to lose a night's sleep reading it. Maybe I should look into a nanny.

Mindi said...

oh MY.

i laughed. i cried. i tried not to wet myself (tmi, i know, but 4 kids....you feel my pain)

all those things you said? RIGHT!!
i've never heard that said out loud, but you can bet your arrrss that i have thought the EXACT SAME THINGS everytime i would read how she would run into the bathroom and brush teeth, run the hairbrush and then be back in 5.

and DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE KHAKI SKIRT AND SHIRT THING!!!

i remember thinking how lame she was about clothes--i would have been planning the outfit in my head for weeks, have hit about 50 stores, bought and returned many items, etc. criminiy, i would do that for every. single. date. i. had. with. edward.

she's a freak.


btw: zac efron+gay= mindi's heart breaking. i cannot accept.

Lauren said...

Is it confirmed that Zac Efron is gay??!

Anyway, I love this post so bad. Seriously, I was nodding my head, saying "You got it girl. Amen to that!" And c'mon...the morning breath! The Khaki crap skirt! The flannels!!!! She is an idiot. Edward wears hott clothes, she wears crap.

Edward needs to stand up for himself. Bella is pushing A VAMPIRE around! That is so twisted.

Lauren said...

PS...I dream about making out with Edward a lot.

EDWARD IS MINE.

Yvonne said...

I'm so happy for you that the kids will be home!!! Yippee!!!

Loved this post and I guess I won't be taking any of my flannels when I go to Portland ; )

You can have Jacob

No Cool Story said...

1 day, 6 hours!!! YAY!!!!
Kids! Kids!

"We were the hotties from Dallas even when I was 5th grade Tori." HAHAHAHAHA! You are killing me.

Stupid Bella. I finished Twilight last night (no, I won't say how many times I've read it) She's so yucky and dumb "Oh Edward don't get hurt" Idiot, the guy can't get hurt. I hated it how in Eclipse she kept worrying and making everybody work extra hard because of her and her neediness. Sheeesh.
Oh and she really need to leave sweet Jacob alone, he deserves way better.

Go Vampires!
:E

No Cool Story said...

This new trailer was on my friend Sariah's blog (I don't know how long it will be up)
I was very exctited...now, not so much :(

No Cool Story said...

Oh and Alice is so cute and sweet to stupid Bella.
Bella does not know how to have/keep friends.

[I'm not obssessed, I'm devoted]

Lauren said...

Ok, how about when she makes Edward SIT OUT of the fight. She is sooooo selfish!

How about when he gives her diamonds and she says "Ew"...

ANd when she sobs all about Jacob to Edward!

She needs a beating.

Tori :) said...

Oh Baddy. Can I call you Baddy? I never did the big Texas 'do. I was much too cool for that.

K- New Moon is my favorite!

Mindi- I'm sorry I had to break it to you about Zac. ;)

Lauren- It's only been confirmed by my gay BIL. I trust his gay-dar. :)

Yvonne- Yes... NO flannels allowed!

NCS- Lauren and I think Alice and Edward should be together. NOT Edward and Bella. I love Alice.
Of course you aren't obsessed!

Tori :) said...

Lauren- AMEN!! And how she uses his leaving in New Moon to make him feel bad. It makes me puke. Or when he's trying to propose and she's all hatin'. :( I'm glad Jacob's face broke her hand.

fawndear said...

Oh no! I have a kacki shirt and I was planning on buying myself a little red motorcycle for my 40th birthday. I won't confess as to how many times I've read and re-read or listened to the books in this series. I even bought tickets to see Stephenie Meyers in Seattle in Aug, and I got my picture taken with the actor playing Sam Uley.
I'm over the top hopeless and yes I am seeing a therapist.
Ugh, Ugh, and double Ugh!

Klin said...

The ONLY reason I like Bella is that I know I can kick her butt!

I read for Edward, the other Cullen's, The werewolves, and the scenery. Bella just happens to be the onions that come with my favorite dish.

Now from a therapist's perspective-
Alice and Edward see how deprived Bella has been. They see her potential and just know that with their expertise, she can become a functioning person.

Being parentified by a crazy mom is a terrible tragedy. It has stunted Bella's personality growth. She doesn't know how beautiful a little skin care, some toothpaste, and a good shopping trip can help her be. She also doesn't know how to make up her mind. If she loves Edward, then she should be with him. She should not lead Jacob on, just because she feels empty. The emptiness is from her childhood and a faux relationship will not fill that emptiness that she has.

Bella needs to decide what her future is and then make choices that will get her to her goals. Making out with Jacob just to see what she is missing is unhealthy behavior. Perhaps the Cullen's can help her see that.

They have more patience than any of us. They have had years, and I mean years, to practice.

How's that for a fun point of view. I should of posted it. It would have generated quite a stir ;)

Jenny said...

Yay for tomorrow!! Sounds like they can't wait to be back!

And I've never heard of the Twilight Series, but your comments cracked me up "NO ONE can fall down that much unless there's a medical problem..." LOL!!

Lauren said...

Klin should totally post that.

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

If I hated Bella, I would be hating a part of my high school self. Looking forward to what happens in book four. Maybe your "wish" solutions could happen... you never know! The girl does need a good slap.

Amanda said...

Go ahead Tori, tell us how you really feel. I think you are holding back! ;)

I was laughing so hard at this!!! This time around reading the series has made me like Jacob more and like Edward less. As you said, Edward is totally enabling her to be the wimpy, whiny, clingy thing that she is. I liked her better with Jacob and felt that she was stronger and more sure of herself.

One thing that has bugged me more this time around is the fact that Edward left Bella in New Moon. I get that he left her because he thought it was for her good, but I don't like how he did it. It wasn't fair to her to just leave without giving her a better reason. I mean, come on, telling her that he didn't love her anymore is pretty low. Of course her believing him so easily was pretty lame on her part too.

I also don't like how he is so overprotective of her and wouldn't let her see Jacob at first so then she had to go sneaking around to see him. I don't agree with how she was stringing Jacob along, but I also feel that she honestly didn't realize how strongly she felt for him until it was too late. Though, before she flung herself off a cliff she was willing to let Jacob be her Paris. That was a big move for her in allowing herself to care for him more.

As much as I like Edward, I still think that a life with Jacob would be a better life. I would much rather snuggle up to a warm human being that I can grow old with and have kids with than a cold stone. What happens when she has had a little more time/experience under her belt and realizes her mistake and she can't go back? I'm certainly glad that I am not still with the one guy that I thought I couldn't live without when I was in high school.

And yes, the fact that she guilted Edward into staying out of the fight in Eclipse was pretty low. Like you said, why can't she just trust the Cullens and the werewolves? Maybe she thinks that everyone is as weak and clumsy as she is. Who knows!

Now that I've written a novel, I'll stop.....

Lauren said...

My opinion is, no matter who she ends up with she will never be a confident, strong person. With Edward she is clingy and a baby. With Jacob she is only happy when she sees glimpses of "her Jacob". Ugh. Just be happy with what you got girl!

JustRandi said...

Well, I'm going to have to go re-read the series again this week. If I can pry the books out of my dds' hands.

And LOL about the Texas hair. Only funny because it's the only state in the union that sells more hairspray than Utah.

(Ok, I totally made that statistic up. But I think most people would agree with my completely objective opinion.)

Physcokity said...

This is EXACTLY why Alice has turned Bella into her own personal guinea pig! She obviously lacks da skillz to make herself presentable...

Physcokity said...

As for the new trailer...yeah slightly disappointing, but they had to play up the action and adventure if they want any one other than obsessed fans to go, although there are enough of those to have the movie make money anyway...

Physcokity said...

As for the new trailer...yeah slightly disappointing, but they had to play up the action and adventure if they want any one other than obsessed fans to go, although there are enough of those to have the movie make money anyway...

Physcokity said...

yes Bella is whiny and needy, but I Edward is also her enabler in that way. Was she really that needy or whiny until after she got together with Edward? No, he created a monster all his own. He is the modern day Dr. Frankenstein...lol

Suzanne said...

Tori, I had the EXACT same thoughts about the clothes. What teenager dresses like that? I think Stephenie must be remembering what people wore in her Arizona high school in the 80's! LOL!

Maybe she needs a tour through a current high school to see what kids are really wearing. :D And yes, Bella is whiney.

Suzanne said...

P.S. That is so cool that 5th Grade Tori was a hottie from Dallas! You're still a hottie! :D

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I gave in to my girls bugging me to attend the Breaking Dawn premier party at Barnes And Noble. Apparently we're going in costume. I'll be like the fat lunch lady at Forks High School cafeteria or something.

aubrey said...

i am hopefully getting twilight tomorrow from my friend so that i can start rereading them again before the next one comes out. but i hate bella too. what a pathetic, needy poor excuse for a woman.

aubrey said...

ya, i was never considered a hottie.

Nancy Face said...

This was COMPLETELY entertaining!

I'm going to a Breaking Dawn party with Lauren and Sierra...but I have to be at work by 8:00 the next morning...yikes! :0

TAYLOR said...

I completely agree with EVERYTHING! except for you lauren, you have ted. EDWARD IS MINE!