Wednesday, May 13, 2009

6 spazzy letters

Dear Livie,
Yes, you will one day "Get big boons." But could you maybe refrain from asking about them and touching my "boons" when we're in line at Kroger? Also, when I am in the bathroom with the door shut it is totally not your business if I "have pees or poop." Besides, chicks don't poop.

Love you.
Dear Alec,
I love you and you're awesome, but will you please, please, please cut your hair? You're really starting to look like Napoleon Dynamite. And although you're still handsome & I love your curls, I really wanna take you to the "Cuttin' Corral" to get yer hair did.


Dear Tristan,
I'm sorry that the bishop wasn't diggin' your fo-hawk at church. I loved it and thought you looked great. Don't worry- I took the blame. He knows I'm a troublemaker, so it's all good. I told him he was lucky I didn't use the red hair gel. I'm just sayin'... I gotcho back.


Dear Isabel,
You are so beautiful and I love laughing with you. I also don't mind that you choose the music from my iPod to listen to when we get in the car. But do you think we could play something different than "Poker Face" occasionally? It's gettin' a little old. Plus, I don't really want you to learn all the words. I still feel bad that you sing "Gives You Hell." I blame myself for that.

Love you!

Dear Taj,
I really need your teeth to stop falling out. The Tooth Fairy called and said that a 5 year old losing 7 teeth already is unheard of and she is going broke. She also would like to request you NOT lose any more teeth on Saturday evenings.



Um, hi. Could you do me a favor? Stop lookin' so hot in your police uniform. It's getting ridiculous. You come home, dinner's on the table and all I can think about is you. Much yummier than the meatloaf. You know I can't trust all those badge bunnies out there. So, tone it down a bit Officer Gorgeous. Love you.

Your wife

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Lauren said...

So amazing. I love the one to Liv the best! Lol!

omar said...

You let your kids have a faux-hawk? What kind of a mother are you?!

Oh wait, you're the kind who teaches her young daughter songs about hell. Never mind, it all makes sense now.

I've seen a picture of Sei in his uniform, and as handsome as he was, I'm still going to have to say that the meatloaf sounds yummier. No offense, Sei.


(Tori, this post was teh funny.)

Nancy Face said...

Lauren didn't lose her first tooth until she was 6 years old. She seriously thought she was a mutant. After that, she lost a tooth about once a week! ;)

aubrey said...

i need to get paul a police uniform.

aubrey said...

nah. fireman uniform.

aubrey said...

and i really like meatloaf.

Kimberly said...

Cute! I bet your bishop wishes he had hair to put in a fo-hawk. psh

Men in uniform...umm hello! That is all.

Tori :) said...

FAUX... thank you Omar. I totally could not think how to spell it so I just put FO even though I knew it was wrong. Faux-hawk...

swampbaby said...

When I first read this, I thought the first letter was to IZZIE. I kept thinking, "Why in the heck is a 10-year-old cupping a feel?!" That didn't sound like Isabel to me so I went and re-read it, thankfully.

"So THAT'S how it is in that family!"

Millie said...

Movie: For Keeps. Thank you! Thank you! *blowing kisses*

I like "fo-hawk." I also love that your bishop thinks you're a troublemaker. :)

~j. said...

This is my favorite post today.

(Just recently made a decision to not listen to Gives You Hell anymore because of my 10-yr. old singing along...)

Heidi said...

You've inspird me...the letters I write to my kids could use a little SPICE. Hee Hee! :)

Klin said...

Way to communicate with the fam there, Tori:)

Love your letter to Livie. Kroeger's huh?

Sassy chooses the music from HER ipod when we drive.

What do you mean the bishop didn't like the fo-hawk? Seriously now. ;)

Alec, if your mom can still see your eyes your hair is still ok.

The tooth fairy took 5 days, FIVE DAYS, to get money to Tree Monkey for her tooth. The dentist told her that she couldn't have braces until she lost all her baby teeth. She got right on that.

Stacey said...

I love Livie's letter the bestest. My daughter loves to push on my "boons". WTH?

*Wit wew* Love men in uniform!

No Cool Story said...

I love men in uniform and would totally be a badge bunny EXCEPT I am married and I actually I get paralyzed when I see uiformed men
-except for postal workers ;)-

How come we didn't see pictures of the fofaux-hawk? :(

tara said...

Liv and the "boons" crack me up. Natalie has the same obsession right now. She was trying to stick her hands down my shirt last night when our buyer and her agent were here "where's your b00bs mom!?" Today at JcPenney's I was buying some nylons and she was walking along squeezing every bra cup saying "b00bs, b00bs!" The lady in the lingerie dept. got a laugh out of that! it is funny, but can be embarrassing when the fascination strikes her at the most inopportune time (:

Barnecked Lady said...

Just stopping by to say Hi, sorry I was in labor and didn't really get to meet you, loved the post, will return soon. (c:

Karina said...

Bella likes to push on my "boons" too, especially at church. What is up with these kids!

Yvonne said...

Those just MADE MY DAY!!!!

Suzanne said...

Badge Bunnies!?! LOL! :)

Camille said...

Love it. My favorite is the second definition for 'badge bunny'. Awesome.

wendy said...

Dear Tori,

you rock.

love, wendy

ps - my 11 year old keeps making me change the radio station whenever that Gives-You-Hell-song comes on. I love that song. She is totally no fair.

Anonymous said...

I like boons!!!

Lisa said...

Hi Tori, It's been a while since I commented here. This is a funny post!

Recently we had the firemen here to help with a little bit of a problem we were having and I had to take them some cookies (and return some gloves) because those guys are HOT! :)

Whenever I hear "Gives you Hell" I can't stop singing it. Now I am singing it. My 16 year old is the example in the family and will turn it before it even starts. I would never have done that at her age.