Monday, November 02, 2009

If you're in a good mood, skip this post

Disclaimer: I realize that it seems like most of the time I write a real post I'm complaining. Apparently my blog has turned in to the same thing my diary was my entire 1st marriage- my outlet. Sorry. I also apologize for any additional blog ads. The holidays are coming so I'm trying to do as many as I can...

The past 2 years has been really hard on my family. We moved from Utah to Texas. I grew up in Texas, but thought I'd never live here again. Well, my husband and I had the overwhelming feeling we were suppose to move here around Sept. 2007. We followed the promptings, everything- selling our house, finding a house, a job, etc...- all fell into place too quickly for us to believe we weren't suppose to be moving here. And it's been a royal suckfest since then.

It's funny, because when I knew, I KNEW I was suppose to move to Utah after my divorce even though I didn't want to someone told me, "Revelation can come from 2 sources." Obviously that revelation to move to Utah was correct because I met Sei just about a month after it and... YAY! But since moving to Texas I've wondered on a daily basis where the heck the revelation to move here came from. Sure, my parents and sister, brother & sister in law are here and I see them basically every Sunday, when they save us a seat at church. Sure it's warmer here.  But I was surviving the cold in Utah. Our house was $40,000 cheaper and Sei is paid more than in Utah, but our property taxes are out the butt so our house costs more on a monthly basis than our home in Utah. It's a NEW home with lots of room which is cool, but I've said over and over that I could live in a shack and be happy. I don't care about things at all. I don't need a big house. I don't need a new car. I don't have to have the top styles.

Why is that? Why is it that I know without a doubt I could live in a shack and not care? It's because I have a rad family. I do. My kids are the coolest and my husband is an angel. Why do you think I chose the theme to this blog? He's an angel that helps rein in this devil. When things are crappy what does he do? He prays. When things are crappy what do I do? I wish I could get drunk or I go get a tattoo. lol I told Sei that it seems like everytime I'm living the best I can, and doing all the things I should be doing that I get find out my husband is cheating (the ex), I get revelations to move to Texas or we get served court papers. It never fails. It's like God says, "Hey look how faithful she is! Let's test it a little more!" or "Tori looks skinny and happy, let's help her gain some stress weight." Seriously y'all. The fact that I've gained TWENTY POUNDS since moving here is no coincidence. I know- I'm spreading blasphemy and I'm sorry. :(

I guess basically I'm writing this because yesterday I told my husband that I'm reaching the end of my rope here. I feel like my ex is breaking my family apart with his selfishness. He wants so badly to be a "father" now that Sei and I have raised great kids. Sei's ex made it so we couldn't afford Kelsea and Karlea's October visit. This year we've spent over $7000 for a lawyer. We still owe him $1500. And I owe mine right now $2200. That was the last bill I received anyway. I'm sure it's double that now. We have no savings left. We took donations to help pay for Sei's lawyer. Most of y'all know that already and I am forever grateful to those who bought Sei's cd or just sent money to help out. There are so many loving and generous people out there. And when we've used all them up we have Visa and Mastercard. haha

I don't know what my point is. I guess I'm just tired. Oh, and now Sei has received a pretty big calling at our church. (EQ pres for those of you who are LDS.) That's a lot of work, time away from home, added stress for Sei, etc... Being the supportive wife I am I told him, "Greeeaaaatttt. You suck at balancing things so we're never gonna see you again." Nice, right? He's so lucky to have me. :P

Anyway... I keep telling myself it can't suck forever. Right? And thru it all I still have a rad family- no matter who tries to eff with it. I've raised these kids since they were born. Sei's been there for 8 years. He's been here for Isabel over 4x longer, Alec  over 3x longer and Tristan over 2x longer than any other father has. I'm praying/hoping that counts for something. And we have Livie and Taj who rock. And only Sei and I get to screw them up. ;)

Thanks for reading.