Monday, March 29, 2010

The lite at the end of the tunnel has appeared

lighttunnelYou know when you have a realization, out of the blue, and it's like a litebulb has turned on? I had one of those this weekend. I was at a training conference for Mary Kay all weekend. I love my Mary Kay meetings because it's ME time, I always leave uplifted and motivated. This weekend was no different- only better. But the litebulb moment was close to the end of the conference. I was quickly taking notes while a National Sales Director spoke. I had a special notebook with a cute pen and it hit me, "Do I ever take notes at church?" I am at church every week, studying the life of my Savior, and I rarely take notes. What the heck am I thinking? Usually I am just happy to make it to church on time with all my kids in tow and I often say, "I didn't get anything out of church today!" But you know why? I don't think I'm really listening. I'm just there, going thru the motions, taking up space, and usually a bit frazzled. So, this Sunday I made sure I was more prepared so I could get to church on time without a mad rush. I brought a notebook and took notes. Nothing in particular, just anything that jumped out to ME. And it made such a difference. I left feeling like I had learned something. I left feeling like I had done more than just take up space. Wow. Duh!! And wow- the choir's number was A.MA.ZING. I had chills all over. It was beautiful. It touched me.

So, I am excited to take notes in the future. To find things in the talks I hear that speak to me. I am excited to "get" something out of church. I am excited to prepare myself more so I am ready to receive those things. I am happy to actually care. The past year or so I haven't cared. I have been so unhappy and lost. More lost and out of hope than I think I've ever felt.  More than during my divorce. More than when my sister died- which is hard for me to comprehend- but I was so out of hope. I am happy to be out of that place. There's still crap going on, but it will be easier to get thru and accept now that I see a lite again. :)